Some days I forget she has a past. She is always so happy, so excited, so full of energy, overflowing, unbounded. Then she reminds me that she wasn't always like this.
"Daddy, if I get lost in the woods, I can blow this whistle and you will find me, right?""Daddy, if I was lost, how long would it take for you to find me?"
"Daddy, I need a compass and a pocket knife, in case I get lost."
"Daddy, if I was lost, you would come find me, right?"
She has been there before, lost in a land of strangers, hurt, alone, cold. She knows the feeling and it still haunts her. It is part of her past, lying deep in her memories.
I don't think she is afraid of being lost, but rather the idea that someone could be lost, and then found, is what lies behind her toughts and questions. The thought is that if she is lost, she will be OK, she will be found. The thought that someone will come and find her. It makes me want to draw her close, to pull her in, to let her know I will always find her, no matter what.
I can't keep her from getting lost without taking away the things that make her who she is, her energy, her inquisitiveness, her joy. However, I can make sure she knows that no matter how lost she thinks she is - she can be found.
We all get lost from time to time, and we also need someone to come find us, to draw us close, to pull us in, to let us know we will always be found, no matter what.
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