“I
want to be part of a church that wants to be part of something.” These words
came from my 17-year-old daughter, Grace. These words have been rattling around
in my head since they were spoken. They weren’t said out of anger or spite, but
frustration at the circumstances in which our family has found itself, not necessarily
with our church, but with an unknown future. The words hold a double indictment for
me, like a gentle one-two punch, if there is such a thing.
The
first is an indictment against me as one of the Elders of our church. Our
church is only 5 years old. We began the church following the traditional model
but over the course of the first three years, we transitioned to the family
integrated model.
It
was very liberating from a leadership point of view. I was “allowed” to push
decisions back down to the parents, where I believe they rightly belong. We
didn’t have to recruit Sunday School teachers or Nursery workers. There were no
big promotions for Vacation Bible School, no bring a friend to Sunday School
Sundays, no requirement to conduct background checks on our teachers.
I
believe putting away these types of programs from our church was the right
thing for us to do. I believe God led us to the point where we are today. I
also believe I might have encouraged the church to throw some of the babies out
with the bath water.
As
we wrestled with what it meant to be a family integrated church from a
leadership standpoint, I found myself repeating the line “That is up to the
fathers to decide for their family.” I loved that line, it was so much fun to
say.
“Should
we do some kind of church mission project?”
“That
is up to the fathers to decide for their family.”
“Should
we do some kind of servant evangelism?”
“That
is up to the fathers to decide for their family.”
“What
should we do to engage with our community?
“That
is up to the fathers to decide for their family.”
What
we ended up with was a group of families that might or might not be engaged
with their culture. I say “might or might not” because I don’t know. I had not
only pushed the decision off to the fathers, but I had pushed any connection
with their ideas and passions away also. In essence, we have become a church
that is filled with families, but we are missing part of the mission. As a
church, we have been so busy looking inward, we have forgotten what it looks
like outside. We are a church full of busy people, but we are busy with each
other and our own families.
As
a leader, that realization is disheartening. As a leader, I have failed to
engage the other Elders to ignite their passions for winning souls, for
counseling the broken, for caring for others, for visiting the widow and the
orphan. If anything, I have poured buckets of cold water on the fires that once
used to engulf them, simply by not encouraging them in their pursuit of God. It
is one thing to say, “If that is what you want to do, then do it. If that is
where you want to go, then go” and quite another to say “if that is what you
want to do, how can I help? If that is where you want to go, let me go with
you.”
The
second indictment is against me as the father and leader of my household. In
embracing the ideas of family integrated church, I had allowed my own family to
become disengaged with the world around us. As the father, it is my responsibility
to teach my kids how to engage with the culture and community around them
without compromising their faith.
I
had built a fortress around my household, which isn’t a bad thing, but I had
nailed all of the windows shut, raised the drawbridge, shut the gate, and
filled the moat with sharks that have lasers on their heads. Not only am I
keeping the “world” out, but I am also keeping the poor and defenseless out.
Where can they go if they cannot come to us for refuge? How can they learn the
joy of the Gospel if they can’t get past the sharks?
So
where do we go from here? As an Elder I need to fan the flames of passion back
to life, maybe even relight a few. I need to lead with conviction and passion
for the whole of James 1:27, not just the safe part. I need to work with the
other Elders to find common passions and goals for our church body to be
engaged in as families. I need to pray, pray, pray, and pray some more.
As
a father I need to lower the drawbridge, open the gate and windows, and get rid
of the sharks. I need to teach my family what the whole of James 1:27 means in
daily life. I need to show them through action how to love those who are
unlovely; how to be a refuge for those who are in need; how to be a father to the
fatherless and a son to the widow. I need to pray, pray, pray, and pray some
more.
Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world. James 1:27 (NIV)
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